Today is Georgia's first birthday. She is napping right now and I am full of thought as I sit in my house surrounded by pictures of her.
I'm not sad. And I'm not really tearful. I'm content. I'm peaceful. I'm who I am and where I'm supposed to be. A mother of a 1 year old.
Many of my friends have had tears during this time as they look back at how fast the year went and how they only got a few weeks to enjoy each growing stage of their child. I kept waiting for the sad/happy tears to come and I thought there was something wrong with me when they didn't.
But my truth on this day is a feeling of pride and a new found confidence. Georgia has taught me that I can be a mother and protect her and love her and teach her and enjoy her, fiercely, everyday. I am able to be someone I wasn't before her. She has given me new life.
The word 'birthday' means something entirely different to me now. Before Georgia, a birthday was an excuse to celebrate myself or someone else and get presents or go out to a nice dinner. Yes, it's Georgia's birthday, but it's my extra special birthday. My 'emergence' day. The day my entire world changed and I met the tiny human that had been growing inside of me that signified my new beginning. My new 'birth'day.
It seems silly now to celebrate the day I was born. I don't need that day anymore.
My daughter is my heart. And it's hard to explain, but sometimes, when I look at her, I don't feel like she's mine. Like I'm living two different realities; or like I think she's so amazing that I couldn't possibly be this lucky. Or that I love her so much and the idea of ever not having her is so inconceivable that I separate myself for a moment.
Georgia's birthday also signifies the day I became unboundedly linked and connected to my husband. Georgia took pieces of both our hearts and made them one. Without all three of us, there would not be one of us. When you have a baby with someone, that other person that you chose to share your life with, all of a sudden, IS your life. They are a part of you; not a separate entity. You are now one.
I was nervous to get married and start a family. You hear so many horror stories of divorce and the first year of marriage being the hardest to get through or that the stress of children can pull you apart. Well, according to Google, we barely had a chance of surviving. In one year, we got married, bought a house, and had a baby. But experiencing these major life events with my best friend and now the father of my child, we are only that much closer and our roots are deeper, stronger, and more meaningful.
So, Georgia's birthday today also marks a new beginning for our family. It's a realization that our family of three can do anything and become stronger together and keep growing our roots together.
Here's to many more birthdays my sweet Georgia. And on every one of your birthdays, I will reminisce and remember how you changed my life for the better, forever. I will always appreciate you and love you and thank you for giving me a purpose. I am proud to be your mother. I will always be here for you.
I love you, my sweet, sweet girl.